A
sibling is a special gift, but one that is often unappreciated during
the childhood years. While siblings are often excellent playmates,
partners in crime, and in later years best friends and confidants,
arguments among them are bound to occur and are absolutely normal, even
though they can be a parent’s worst headache! It is important that you
as a parent recognize the individual personalities, feelings, and needs
of each of your children, and know how to effectively diffuse conflicts
that arise so that the entire family is happy and healthy.
What parents can do
Know why they act out.
Siblings fight with one another for a variety of reasons. They could be
seeking attention from you or trying to distinguish and separate
themselves from one other. Older children dislike being seen as the
responsible ones, and younger children dislike being compared to their
older sibling, and each may be trying to express these feelings by
taking their frustration out on the other.
Set ground rules. While
sometimes children do need to argue and sort out their differences, it
is important that they do it in a safe and healthy way. While you
should try to avoid getting involved, your children should know what is
appropriate and what is not. For example, under no circumstances is it
ok to use physical fighting to resolve differences. Fighting should not
take place in the car, as it can be distracting to the driver.
Teach positive interaction. One
way to minimize squabbles among your children is to model cooperation,
compromise, and anger management. Teach them to take a deep breath and
remember not to say things they do not mean in the heat of the moment.
Remind them that it takes two to argue, and show them how to apologize
to one another. Help them figure out ways to cooperate and compromise,
take turns, and sometimes agree to disagree. If you do get involved,
try not to yell or lecture.
Don't compare.
Each of your children are unique and fighting with each other is one of
the ways in which they are conveying this to one another and to you.
Make sure you spend some one-on-one time with each child. While it is
easy to enroll your children in the same activities, especially if they
are of the same age or gender, recognize their individual talents and
interests. Try to avoid asking your older child to bring a younger
sibling along when hanging out with friends, because this can lead to
resentment. Also, teach your children that fair is not always equal.
Older children are often given more responsibility, and younger
children do not always get the same privileges.
Make family time a priority.
A good way for your children to learn to get along with one another is
to emphasize the importance of family. Encourage family interactions on
a regular basis. There are small and easy ways to accomplish this, like
planning at least one activity to do together each weekend, and trying
to eat dinner together as much as possible during the week. Weekly
family meetings are a good way to avoid complaining and potential
conflicts among your children. This is a good time to decide who will
do what chore, and who will get what privilege. Especially if your
children are close in age, it is a good idea to rotate things like who
will load the dishwasher vs. who will clear the table, and who will sit
in the front seat in the car.
This article appears courtesy of OneToughJob.org, a parenting website owned and operated by the Massachusetts Children's Trust Fund.
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