 Talk to your child every day
Studies
show that talking and listening to your child for 15 minutes every day
may be just enough to open up the lines of communication, and as a
result, your child will look to you for advice and help with difficult
choices and decisions, according to a U.S. Department of Health and
Human Resources report. Talking each day sends the message to your
child that you care about what they are doing and you are there to
support them. This will also set the stage for open communication as
your child enters the teen years when communication can become more
difficult. Every parent knows that when a child walks in the door and
the parent asks, “What did you do at school today?” the classic
response is “Nothing”. Getting your child to take part in a meaningful
conversation, particularly about school, may be one of your biggest
challenges, but it also may be one of the most important things you do.
There is no right way or perfect question to start a conversation about
school, but below are some strategies you might want to try.
How to listen so your child will talk
* Stay
informed about your child's life at school. If possible, go
to the orientation or open house, read the school newsletter if they
have one, or attend parent-teacher conferences. The more you know about
your child’s school life, the easier it will be to start a conversation
about it.
* Allow
your child some down time. Give your child some time when
he gets home from school instead of asking him a lot of questions about
his day as soon as he comes home. He may need a break from school talk
right after being there all day. Instead, let him have a snack and
relax a little bit and he may be more likely to open up.
* Try
not to force the conversation. Let it happen naturally;
your child may feel more comfortable talking about school in a casual
setting, for example when you are cooking or riding in the car or on
the bus. Your child may say something about school when you least
expect it. If you are listening for this, you can use the opportunity
to open the conversation and ask questions about school activities that
are meaningful to her because she brought them up.
*
Talk about your day. Talk about something interesting or
funny that happened to you that day. Your child may feel like he is
being interrogated if all you do is ask questions about school and
homework when he come home. If you start the conversation by sharing
something about your own day, this may encourage your child to share
something about his day without you even having to ask!
* Don't
talk about only homework and grades. Chances are, this may
be the last thing your child wants to talk about, and if you start the
conversation about school with this right away, she may clam right up
and avoid conversations about school all together. Your child does many
things at school everyday and if all you ask about is what homework she
has and how she did on her last test or quiz, she may feel like you are
nagging her rather than being supportive and showing an interest in her
school life.
* Ask
for details. If you ask a question that can be responded to
with “yes” or “no”, that is all you will get. Instead, try something
that is more probing and that elicits an opinion, thought, or idea on
the part of your child. If you ask meaningful question, you will be
more likely to get meaningful answers. For example, ask what the best
part of the day was, ask about specific events, or ask your child to
explain a part of the homework.
This article appears courtesy of OneToughJob.org, a parenting website owned and operated by the Massachusetts Children's Trust Fund.
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